I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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