You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
