Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
