my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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