Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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