i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
