Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
