thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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