I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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