You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
