Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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