I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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