Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
