she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
