I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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