im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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