i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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