Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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