He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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