I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
