you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
