I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
