My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
