So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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