Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
