They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
