he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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