Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
