new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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