party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
