You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
