Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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