he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
