Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
