Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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