just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
