I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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