but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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