they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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