can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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