Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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