well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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