I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
