First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
