I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
