Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
