put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
