my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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