if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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