My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im part way to drunk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
