ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
