I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
