he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
