a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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