Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
